There is the well-known saying – no pain, no gain.
Do you ever feel like the odds are stacked against you? Well in Michelle Obamas case, this was true. Growing up an African American in the 60’s in a small home in Chicago provided to be her first hurdle of many. With her father falling very ill, suffering with Multiple Sclerosis, this pushed Michelle to be a good, ambitious student.
While studying sociology at Princeton University, Michelle then realised “that everyday drain of being in a deep minority.” Living during a time when schools were white male dominated and the difficulty of standing out was prevalent.
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress” – Frederick Douglass
Now; Michelle Obama is a lawyer, writer and the wife of former U.S. President Barack Obama. Prior to her role as first lady, she was a lawyer, Chicago city administrator and community-outreach worker. But how did she get there?
Michelle rose to success through determination and persistence, not letting deterrents such as lack of opportunities affect her and focusing on thriving possibilities and the potential for greatness. Michelle was always captivated with helping others and found that her true calling is working with people to serve their communities. Therefore, when Michelle became the First Lady of The United States she found herself in a position of power and influence.
It’s ages since I’ve written a blog. However, after The Women Like Me Luton & Beds Conference I’ve re-committed myself to sharing from the heart. My major learning of late is love isn’t always about being there through thick and thin. Sometimes love requires you to leave.
So Why is Leaving Loving?
Firstly, leaving my relationship meant I remembered to love me. It meant I had finally acknowledged that I and my feelings mattered. It meant I had accepted my relationship was toxic and abusive, deciding to stand up for myself and my happiness. For a long time I’d been surviving and felt like I was slowly dying inside. I lost connection with myself so didn’t realised how anxious I’d become or that I was becoming depressed. Losing the fight needed for my hopes and dreams to become a reality. Slipping into a state of existence, numbed existence, where I just go through the motions. Leaving meant loving myself so I could stop trying to be okay and just start being again.
Another reason why leaving was an act of love is because it meant my daughter would be able to grow up with a mum who breathed. What I mean by that is a mum who was present, who lived in the moment, who felt. Instead of a mum struggling, falling into depression and anxiety and simply trying to survive. My example would be one that she could follow in life and relationships. As I would learn how to set and uphold appropriate boundaries including being treated with respect and love. Leaving was love as my daughter would now be in a home environment in which she would feel safe because I felt safe.
The last reason why leaving was loving is because I didn’t stop loving my partner. I just stopped hoping and wishing he would change. I recognised change was something he had to want for himself but I didn’t have to suffer while he figured that out. I realised leaving would give him the chance to see just how damaging his behaviour had been. A chance to reflect and see ‘it wasn’t that bad’ was a lie. I knew, however, change might never come and whether it did or didn’t wasn’t on me. I left that to him and God. Leaving was the loving slap that might awaken him and I wasn’t looking to benefit from it. I wasn’t going to look back.
Leaving meant my life took unexpected turns that VERY few understood. It meant my life sunk to depths I never imagined. Here I was a professional, a business women in refuge. On top of that I wasn’t 100% sure that I was doing the right thing. Yet leaving meant I was free. Free to learn and free love again. Starting with myself.
There’s a saying, if you love something set it free and if it’s yours it’ll come back to you. Love yourself, set yourself free and you’ll come back to you. I’m here to tell the tale. And I’m breathing with a smile on my face. There’s life after abuse. You can recover. And you can learn to love yourself again.
All the best
Speaker, Trainer, Coach and Director of The Like Me CIC.
Jasmine is determined to make a positive difference to females in Luton and Bedfordshire. Primarily through events, training and in future a magazine. Jasmine shares her story to empower and encourage others. Jasmine’s authenticity comes from her belief that when she lets her light shine, others are encouraged to do the same.
We had a great day on Friday, 14th June and below are some of the pics of our encouraging, empowering and inspiring day. Every speaker was amazing and shared from the heart with such openness and vulnerability. We had just over 70 women attend and all in all, it was a great day, which we think the pictures somewhat capture. Check them out below. If you want to see the list and bios of the speakers, click here,
If you haven’t already, register your interest to join us at our event in November by clicking here. We’re aiming to make it even better.
Enjoy the pics!
Diversity of women their lives and experience but all together with the same goals. Everyone supported each other, felt in a safe environment to be yourself .
That there was a workshop and that everyone was involved and that they talked with others on the table whether they know them or not. Firstly thanks for the time and effort for all the speakers, event organiser and all who were involved…
Being able to get together with other women and talk about our struggles and strengths, inspiring one another.
It was well organised, orderly and very friendly
Why note join us at the next conference? Then you can have your own experience. Secure your seat with an Early bird price by registering here now! Hope to see you there!