“Change your story, change your life. Divorce the story of limitation and marry the story of the truth and everything changes.”
What’s your story?
Everyone has a story whether they are aware of it or not.
Throughout life we subconsciously give everything a meaning which plays out on autopilot in our day to day lives, manifesting more of what we believe until we become aware of the stories we tell ourselves and change them.
We’ve entered into a new year and many have decided their new year resolutions or set goals for themselves. Others have distanced themselves from goal-setting at the beginning of the year and are asking themselves: ‘Why should I plan in this time of uncertainty when things aren’t going to plan anyways?’.
So should you create goals for yourself? Why or why not?
And if goal setting is the way to go, how do we go about it effectively? Let’s find out!
Are you completely owning your power in life? One of the biggest resolutions we can make this coming year is to own our power! Read more to find out how you can step into your power!
Your Power Is Within You
To own our power we must, first and foremost, realise that it’s within us. Your power lies within you and you can choose to own it and exercise it as much as you want!
The moment we tell ourselves that our power has been taken away from us or that we’ve given it away, we immediately distance ourselves from owning it. Because it implies that we can’t access it, which isn’t true.
Fear can be debilitating, crippling and paralysing. Does fear tend to rule your life decisions? Let’s see if I can help you live a more fulfilled life by helping you peel away the layers of fear so that you may be able to better see fear for what it really is.
The Reality of Fear
As we all know, fear is a natural response and though we tend to forget this in the moment, we all experience fear in our lives. When you take on new challenges, you will always experience some degree of fear. The aim is not to completely eliminate fear but rather learn how to manage it.
Do you feel upset when you think of all the distractions, despair & derailers that surround young girls today? Do you feel a sense of hopelessness? The Girls Like Me Conference which took place virtually on the 9th October was an inspirational, celebratory event which tackled the issues young girls face today. Inspiring, influential speakers shared their stories on how they fought through their struggles and rose above them!
Being a girl in the world we live in today can be challenging. We might find ourselves facing hurdles that we shouldn’t have to face. And the pitfalls of our digital generation can begin to weigh us down, causing feelings of hopelessness to fester. At such a time, it’s imperative to remember that you are not alone and you can equip yourself with the skills you need to better navigate your life & reach your full potential. You have it in you, just like countless other women & girls who you look up to, do.
“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” – Gail Sheehy
I. Change is inevitable and the only constant in life. Everything in this universe is constantly changing yet the thought of change makes us feel uncomfortable. It makes us feel like we’ve lost control.
As human beings, we look for routine & we love to build our cocoons of comfort. Change can make us feel anxious as it comes with uncertainty.
II. Looking at change in a different light: Since change is constant, we must realise that most of the time we don’t have control over external factors in our life. What we can do is:
There is the well-known saying – no pain, no gain.
Do you ever feel like the odds are stacked against you? Well in Michelle Obamas case, this was true. Growing up an African American in the 60’s in a small home in Chicago provided to be her first hurdle of many. With her father falling very ill, suffering with Multiple Sclerosis, this pushed Michelle to be a good, ambitious student.
While studying sociology at Princeton University, Michelle then realised “that everyday drain of being in a deep minority.” Living during a time when schools were white male dominated and the difficulty of standing out was prevalent.
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress” – Frederick Douglass
Now; Michelle Obama is a lawyer, writer and the wife of former U.S. President Barack Obama. Prior to her role as first lady, she was a lawyer, Chicago city administrator and community-outreach worker. But how did she get there?
Michelle rose to success through determination and persistence, not letting deterrents such as lack of opportunities affect her and focusing on thriving possibilities and the potential for greatness. Michelle was always captivated with helping others and found that her true calling is working with people to serve their communities. Therefore, when Michelle became the First Lady of The United States she found herself in a position of power and influence.
It’s ages since I’ve written a blog. However, after The Women Like Me Luton & Beds Conference I’ve re-committed myself to sharing from the heart. My major learning of late is love isn’t always about being there through thick and thin. Sometimes love requires you to leave.
So Why is Leaving Loving?
Firstly, leaving my relationship meant I remembered to love me. It meant I had finally acknowledged that I and my feelings mattered. It meant I had accepted my relationship was toxic and abusive, deciding to stand up for myself and my happiness. For a long time I’d been surviving and felt like I was slowly dying inside. I lost connection with myself so didn’t realised how anxious I’d become or that I was becoming depressed. Losing the fight needed for my hopes and dreams to become a reality. Slipping into a state of existence, numbed existence, where I just go through the motions. Leaving meant loving myself so I could stop trying to be okay and just start being again.
Another reason why leaving was an act of love is because it meant my daughter would be able to grow up with a mum who breathed. What I mean by that is a mum who was present, who lived in the moment, who felt. Instead of a mum struggling, falling into depression and anxiety and simply trying to survive. My example would be one that she could follow in life and relationships. As I would learn how to set and uphold appropriate boundaries including being treated with respect and love. Leaving was love as my daughter would now be in a home environment in which she would feel safe because I felt safe.
The last reason why leaving was loving is because I didn’t stop loving my partner. I just stopped hoping and wishing he would change. I recognised change was something he had to want for himself but I didn’t have to suffer while he figured that out. I realised leaving would give him the chance to see just how damaging his behaviour had been. A chance to reflect and see ‘it wasn’t that bad’ was a lie. I knew, however, change might never come and whether it did or didn’t wasn’t on me. I left that to him and God. Leaving was the loving slap that might awaken him and I wasn’t looking to benefit from it. I wasn’t going to look back.
Leaving meant my life took unexpected turns that VERY few understood. It meant my life sunk to depths I never imagined. Here I was a professional, a business women in refuge. On top of that I wasn’t 100% sure that I was doing the right thing. Yet leaving meant I was free. Free to learn and free love again. Starting with myself.
There’s a saying, if you love something set it free and if it’s yours it’ll come back to you. Love yourself, set yourself free and you’ll come back to you. I’m here to tell the tale. And I’m breathing with a smile on my face. There’s life after abuse. You can recover. And you can learn to love yourself again.
All the best
Speaker, Trainer, Coach and Director of The Like Me CIC.
Jasmine is determined to make a positive difference to females in Luton and Bedfordshire. Primarily through events, training and in future a magazine. Jasmine shares her story to empower and encourage others. Jasmine’s authenticity comes from her belief that when she lets her light shine, others are encouraged to do the same.