It’s ages since I’ve written a blog. However, after The Women Like Me Luton & Beds Conference I’ve re-committed myself to sharing from the heart. My major learning of late is love isn’t always about being there through thick and thin. Sometimes love requires you to leave.
So Why is Leaving Loving?
Firstly, leaving my relationship meant I remembered to love me. It meant I had finally acknowledged that I and my feelings mattered. It meant I had accepted my relationship was toxic and abusive, deciding to stand up for myself and my happiness. For a long time I’d been surviving and felt like I was slowly dying inside. I lost connection with myself so didn’t realised how anxious I’d become or that I was becoming depressed. Losing the fight needed for my hopes and dreams to become a reality. Slipping into a state of existence, numbed existence, where I just go through the motions. Leaving meant loving myself so I could stop trying to be okay and just start being again.
Another reason why leaving was an act of love is because it meant my daughter would be able to grow up with a mum who breathed. What I mean by that is a mum who was present, who lived in the moment, who felt. Instead of a mum struggling, falling into depression and anxiety and simply trying to survive. My example would be one that she could follow in life and relationships. As I would learn how to set and uphold appropriate boundaries including being treated with respect and love. Leaving was love as my daughter would now be in a home environment in which she would feel safe because I felt safe.
The last reason why leaving was loving is because I didn’t stop loving my partner. I just stopped hoping and wishing he would change. I recognised change was something he had to want for himself but I didn’t have to suffer while he figured that out. I realised leaving would give him the chance to see just how damaging his behaviour had been. A chance to reflect and see ‘it wasn’t that bad’ was a lie. I knew, however, change might never come and whether it did or didn’t wasn’t on me. I left that to him and God. Leaving was the loving slap that might awaken him and I wasn’t looking to benefit from it. I wasn’t going to look back.
Leaving meant my life took unexpected turns that VERY few understood. It meant my life sunk to depths I never imagined. Here I was a professional, a business women in refuge. On top of that I wasn’t 100% sure that I was doing the right thing. Yet leaving meant I was free. Free to learn and free love again. Starting with myself.
There’s a saying, if you love something set it free and if it’s yours it’ll come back to you. Love yourself, set yourself free and you’ll come back to you. I’m here to tell the tale. And I’m breathing with a smile on my face. There’s life after abuse. You can recover. And you can learn to love yourself again.
All the best
Speaker, Trainer, Coach and Director of The Like Me CIC.
Jasmine is determined to make a positive difference to females in Luton and Bedfordshire. Primarily through events, training and in future a magazine. Jasmine shares her story to empower and encourage others. Jasmine’s authenticity comes from her belief that when she lets her light shine, others are encouraged to do the same.